What happiness is....

For many people happiness comes in different shapes and forms, but for me happiness is a bit different then other people. Happiness for me is the warmth of a tiny dog cuddling up to my face and licking me with its soft silk like tongue. Its feels like the tender embrace of a close friend you haven't seen in a while. Happiness for me isn't only the soft suddle touch of a puppy, but it can also be found in my unique style. I feel the material running up my legs and finally it sits perfectly at my waste and i think "these jeans are perfect." I always try to hide a smile from myself as though someone is watching me. I smell the toxic plastic smell of new clothes as i walk down the isle of hottopic admiring the wonderland of never ending clothes. I want it all but alas i am faced with a terrible truth, i have no money. As i leave the beautiful store in disappointment i realize that clothes aren't my only happiness. I reach into my pocket and grab a shiny metal device, my ipod. I slowly put a silver head phone to my ear and i press the play button. The music is like a drug once you start listening to it your hooked. Its the lighter to my cigarette, with out one or the other there both pretty much useless. My music is a life line it can be the only thing telling me not to do something i will regret. Most of my music is screamo witch can be a extremely low or high range of vocals which makes me feel as though i have power or i am in control. Sometimes i do listen to a soft acoustic and what i listen to is depending on my mood. There is one thing i consider to be one of the most important to me and does bring me a lot of happiness, friends. Friends are the chocolate chip in the cookie of life. Some people feel that friends are the only reason they are alive and the only reason that keeps them from hurting themselves. When I'm with my friends i forget about my insecurities and troubles and even forget about how shy i really am. I feel like i have a sun in my heart that goes on when I'm with my friends but is turned off when i am alone. I feel like slowly I'm losing sight of what's important to me and staying my own dark corner, but i wont let fear or depression hold me down. I know who i am and i know what i like and no one can ever take that away from. Happiness for me is more than a material thing for me, but its taking control of my life.

FUR IS DEAD!

First of all i am trying to get over sadness about blogging about other things that concern me. My love for animals is so great some people would even call me crazy for it. I am a dedicated vegetarian and i have been keeping strong for 9 months and i hope to continue for the rest of my life. If only you knew what they do to the innocent creatures just to make the seasons new trend you would think it was a crime. Honestly it is a crime. In our society animals are seen as pets and as best friends even but in higher society they are seen as the fur collar around there expensive spray on tan little neck. Because i believe that cruelty is one fashion statement we can all do without. "Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals." ~George Orwell, Animal Farm We depend our every day consumption of food and clothes and other products on animals, but what do they benefit from us? The answer is when benefit them with nothing. We benefit them with tearing down there homes just for a city office building. We repay them with torturing them and just leaving there heads and paws with fur to die in the scorching heat. But there are those in the worlds which i admire and hope to be them in the future such as frances power cobbe, Peter singer, Jane goodall, and many others make this world a better place for us and also for the animals. I myself own two dogs and a cat and a bird and a snake and i could not imagine either one of them being killed just for a trend or just for an international meal. Now i am not asking anybody to be vegetarian, like i am, but i am asking to be cautious on the types of meats you eat because veil for example is an inhuman way to get meat. They let the calf be born in a cage and the calf cannot move because the cage is too small. Then they give it food that makes the calf have diarhea its whole life. So it is in its own diarhea and covered in it and it never sees the light of day. That is just one example of torturous human behaivior to animals. Now i feel it is necessary to show you another torturous behavior by humans, please beware that it is not for the weak to watch. I didnt have enough strength to finish the video but i can tell you i ended this video in tears. I cant believe how unhuman people can be and how evil they can be. The animals dont do anything wronge but the humans do. Watch and please realized what is happening around the world to animals. Thank you for reading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTVCjS27Twc

Video URL

I Am Emotionally Drained

Right now i feel as though my heart has been ripped out of place and has been thrown to the dirty floor and trampled by people passing by. As though i cannot bear the pain that i am yet to go through. I do not blame anyone but myself because i cannot change any ones emotions and i cannot change peoples feelings. I know that she loves me but loving me as a friend just doesn't seem right to me. I value our friendship dearly but i guess she just saw the previous relationship and the friendship some-what ended. I thought that she could be the one that when i'm with her i know that for once in my life i am doing something right or the one i never want to lose. The one i couldn't imagine being without. I don't know if my feelings for her will ever change. I am not sure if i will just drown myself in a dark pool of misery and tear drops. I am not sure if even i could do anything to change her mind. I would change my name, my hair, my skin, my clothes for her. Just to hear her voice, just feel her touch, just to feel her love. Although i look through many excellent quotes about this sensitive topic i feel this quote is the best by far. "I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you're doing, but I can't help it, cause I'm in love with you." I wonder what would happen if you loved me too i wonder what it would be like just me and you i wonder what the world would be like just me and you.(personal quote) I guess friends is all that god made us to be. on this path you are a friend and possibly and it kills me to say only a friend. Although someday maybe some how we will be together and i only wait and will cherrish that day. Although i feel that i can not eat without you or sleep without you or breath without you... there is one thing i still can do without you and that is love you. I wish you the best and i hope you find the love that you truely deserve because i apparently i am not it. I hope that someone out there will make you happy and will make you feel the way i feel about you. I hope someone makes you feel that your the only one in the whole world for them and that you would rather die then be without you i hope fate is on your side. My heart hurts and brain feels as though it is going to explode. i just want to end with one final inspirational quote, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."-Helen Keller Although it seems that all my senses are failing and that all my doors have been closed i know that things will get better and i pray that they get better. Because i know "whatever the sorrow, whatever the pain, there are always rainbows after the rain."

People to live for...

In my life i have found that sometimes the only reason to live is for those who care about you.It has always been fascinating to me how you can find a true friend. I think over the years I've discovered many true friends.A friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. In other words a friend is a person that cares for you and realizes that you are different but likes you because of that.A few people in my life that i can call true friends are my sister Kimberly and my friend mickey,my friend Nina, and my friend Xandra. Kimberly is different then other sisters. She's caring and love, but sometimes a bit too judging. She usually knows what to do to cheer me up. Mickey has been way to nice to me. i have bullied him, judged him, and made his life a living hell, but still he has found the good in me and has been a true friend to me. Where should i start with Nina. Since the first time we met we knew that we would be good friends. In the beginning we had feelings for each other that quickly turned into feelings of sibling hood (if that is a word). We were like brother and sister and we could confide in each other no matter what the problem was. She has always been there for me through ups and downs. Finally, Xandra always knows the right things to say. She has the best advice and an awesome personality. She makes me feel good about myself and I've never met any one more like me. I hope that all of my true friends will continue being my heroes and you will forever be in my heart. I wish i could have all the time in the world to write about other true friends, i must be on my way. Thank you for reading my blog!

Love....

What is love? Is love only the physical attraction between a man and a woman? Or is it the feeling of belonging when you find someone that is just like you? Or maybe the butterflies that you get when you always want to be with someone? Love maybe more than just one of these feelings and may just be a mixture of all of them. Reguardless love can sometimes turn more difficult than expected. How do you know when you feel love? Only you can be the judge of that. Throughout my teen years i have been searching for love and as soon as i think i have found it, it quickly drifts away. Love is like the weather you think you can predict it but in reality something completely different happens than what you planned. Let me give you a person example. Okay lets call my girlfriend Miss. C and the love of my life Miss. X. Miss C is all a guy could ask for she is beautiful and has a great personality and is very fun to be around. Miss. X is extraordinary she is drop dead gorgeous and it seems that she always has the correct answer and that she always will understand you. I thought i felt love for Miss. C but for some reason whenever i took to or interact with Miss. X my feelings for Miss. C completely fade away. What is love? Can emotions play tricks on you and so you never know what it is OR is something that just comes and goes as time passes. Reguardless love can be found in all different shapes and forms. It can be found in the love of a parents longing for there child to return from college, it can be found in a child happy to have that little furry friend, or it can be found in a young adult holding hands with the one that they love. Love can be found anywhere, has love found me?